What being a military wife means to me

I've written many different definitions and explanations over the years. This is by far one of the hardest I've ever thought to write. Quite simply the answer could be being a wife to a member serving the country. I think, however, that answer would be given by those that haven't been there. Answers such as in urbandictionary.com (go ahead, search "military wife, I don't have the heart to put it on here) are what many military wives actually face. I've heard "you knew what you were getting into" and so have many other of my fellow military wives. Interestingly enough, I was speechless in January when a man living in my parent's home town was insistent on meeting not only my husband but myself because he wanted to personally thank "US". He put much emphasis on that I serve right along my husband and that the job of a military wife is far from easy. Before we left to fly back to where we're stationed, this man called and left a message on my parents answering machine. This message included a prayer for strength and safety and blessings on not only my husband but the one who was serving next to him: me. This brought tears to my eyes. I had never heard someone say these kind words to me. Sometimes my husband but not me.

I'm not in it for the accolades. None of us are. Trust me, the accolades would not even scratch the surface on making it worth it all. We get asked why we do it... In truth I think for all of us is that the price it takes to be with that individual is worth the cost. We're willing to have our significant other leave us for 6 + months at a time with no visit. Some people have tried to compare deployments to business visits. I can assure you that my spouse does not think of it like that. There is no overtime available first of all. Secondly, the hours are not the same. Most of deployment my sweet husband would only be able to sleep 4 hours a day. Sometimes that was long. Business men get hotel rooms, ours - bunks with 3 inch thick mattresses. Even though they are ugly, paintings are on the walls but on the ship all they see is gray. Oh and the food? Plane food is often more edible.

We're willing to be the other woman. The navy is their first wife. When it bids they must go. There is no possibility of saying no, or later. No sick days. Their schedule can change on a whim. It's normal to have to work 36 hours straight. Not once a lifetime but twice a week. It's a military wife's struggle to abstain from telling someone they don't know what they're talking about when they complain about missing their husband after a couple hours.

We learn another language- military acronyms. We know how to sew on patches or send them off to our favorite shop. Having a power of attorney is a normal thing, so is knowing their last wishes. Their favorite beer is always stocked in the fridge- that is when they're home. Phone cards are steadily filled and refilled and we quickly learn how to connect in a 15 minute max phone call. Sometimes only once a week. Other wives teach us their tricks or tips such as numbering emails because they easily get lost somewhere in the transit.

Any commercial, song, video, news report etc that has anything to do with a service member will have us crying. Patriotism has a whole new meaning.

We become the extra shoulder when the day is tough. Willing to never completely understand or know what they have seen overseas but love them in a whole other way. We are willing to never be able to plan anything. Just being with our spouse has to be enough. Theres very little time for vacations. This was something I learned even before we got married. I knew that there wasn't going to be time for a honeymoon. It's still tough though to swallow jealousy when I hear of other people's honeymoons.

We're faced with the reality of the "real world". Do we leave the haven of "free insurance" (trust me we pay for it in other ways), of no layoffs (as long as you continue to make rank, stay fit etc), of commissary's and NEX's and the dysfunctional military family? People telling you both sides. Do it and Don't do it. "I don't know how you can do it" comes into play again but this time not on how we can maintain a household while not knowing where our spouse is, this time its how to completely change our life.

The answer is always the same though: we do it because we have to.

"God, what is YOUR plan?" leading to... "I'm just on for the ride"

This week my kick "a" husband is in Austin for interviews for a potential job because next year he will be getting out of the navy. Some history on this is in the last two blogs... He did a ride-a-long with a police department which is good for his applications and also just for his knowledge. He absolutely loved it... It was awesome to hear the excitement in his voice. To know that the future job that your husband may have is one that he's going to love is the best feeling ever.

This morning, I got the worst feeling ever. I got a call at 8:30 from my husband who was supposed to be in the middle of testing. He had to do so many sit-ups and push-ups and a good run. The guy holding down his feet was leaning too far forward and made it difficult for J to complete a situp because he was going to hit the guys head. So because of this, he was unable to go as fast as normal and thus was one less sit up than they required. My husband is in the military and very much in shape. This test was supposed to be no problem.

So we thought.

My husband was upset with himself and of course the stupid guy. He was bummed and was worried of how I would think. I did not blame J by any means but just was astonished that they would disqualify him that easily and would't let him try again. I couldn't believe that this was how it ended because we believed there would be no problem.

We had this all figured out. All planned out. We were overconfident with OUR plans.

So my mind starts running, "Was this not God's plan? What is His plan? What now?".

My sweet mother-in-law put it succinctly, maybe this IS God's plan? Maybe God is sending us in another direction to protect us and he had to use that guy....

So my heart still wonders but the anxiety isn't quite as prevalent. Rather, I'm excited to see what God has in store for us. I know it's going to be big. It's so scary but I'm getting so excited. God is good and man am I glad that I'm not in control! His control is sooooo much better and I know his plan will be too...

So again, just another little piece in this family's saga. This should be super interesting! Stay tuned.

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 2

After that one phone call question that seemingly changed everything, J and I began discussing our future. Where did we want to be in ten years? What type of people did we want to be? Where did we want to raise our family? How did we want to raise our family? These types of discussions led to another comment. I reminded my husband of a comment about his desire to be in law enforcement and asked if this was still the case. This was the beginning of our new direction. After months of preparing Joe's package to try to do the switch between enlisted and officer and a quick swift door closing in that direction, we were started on another long interview process.

We began thinking, where would we move? We do have have family's in the same state and I have never truly been able to call a place home. We both are not crazy about Virginia and I know my allergies will thank me for leaving so Virginia has never been a real option but rather a last resort. With the decision that we wanted our kids to be raised with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins we knew that Texas or Montana were our first two places on the list. We talked about Montana where my parents are currently residing but how long would they remain there and how was the job market? Did we want to deal with the cold? (Joe had no problem with that last question, but I was a little iffy.) We then moved on to Texas. Did we want the heat? Yep, that was the only real question. All of Joe's immediate family lives within a 3 1/2 mile radius and the majority is within 30 minutes. The job market was good as there are so many different police departments. We also both love the city. So while Joe was still deployed he began the second interview packet. This interview packet included some very personal questions and a lot of digging... I caught myself thinking, man am I ready for this? This was a big change. No longer would I be able to ask: "Do you have a military discount?" (this may seem trivial but it just is a small part of the big military picture.) We would have to pack up, and move our two vehicles, two dogs and (multiplying) belongings over 1300 miles. We would have to find a place to live, I may have to find a new job.. and oh that thing called friends which are finally starting to happen. Yep- gotta leave them again.

In so many ways, it really is like starting all over again. Was I ready for this? Were we ready for this?

While visiting Joe's family in August, Joe delivered his huge (I believe it was like 60 pages) application to the Austin City Police Department. He scheduled his next interview (They go through 2 sets of interviews and then you have to go through the academy) for the first week of November. This interview consists of physical and mental exams. He will have to take a polygraph test! (I laugh at this from the psychology perspective... so not accurate!) We had to buy him a suit and a plane ticket and reserve a rental car. This is a big step! Not only are we trying to get out of the navy but we're putting hundreds of dollars into this interview process.

Can you say trust?

I started doubting and wondering and just being my little worry wort self. Along with this is the question that I think just about any married couple asks. The question of children. I work with kids all day long and as much as some people may think it is great birth control, I just wish I got all the happy moments too.. I get the tears and the naps and the lunch time meal but I don't get the cuddles in the evening and all the laughter and happiness. I can't wait to have that myself. Now that we're married and in a different place in our life I find that we are around a lot of couples with kids. J has gotten the opportunity to hang out with children and see what a blessing they are. We have met a great couple and they've truly become such blessed friends. Their daughter is such a joy and it just warms my heart to see how happy and content J is with her.

Beginning on the wedding day, we started to get comments about when were we going to have babies... Crazy how people start that early huh? We get advice whether we want it or not on starting early or waiting and having kids later in life. We have come to realize how to turn off our hearing for this unwarranted advice and know that in so many ways we will never be completely ready. It's a life changing experience for many reasons. Since we're both family oriented we knew that we wanted kids earlier on in life... The question was just when.

We kept wondering when God wanted us to have kids and started worrying about this and that. My weird and worry wort worries were about adding a kid to the mix of moving. God used my mother in laws blog to speak to me. Her story is one in many ways similar to ours. The young couple decided for her to quit her job and her last day of work she found out she was pregnant with baby #1. It was a lot of finagling and concern about money but God never failed them, their needs and then some were always met. God is truly good and never failed to provide. This hit me hard and by the time I was done reading I had several tears rolling down my face. I kept wondering when would be the right time to have kids and wondered if it was before we left the navy, if it was during the academy or waiting till he was done with the academy or maybe when Joe's career was settled. Everything had its positives and negatives. Mama B's testimony just reminded me that God never failed and no matter having Him in control of the ride was the best place to be in...

I feel like the last year has aged me, but in a good way. I learned some lessons to never forget. God is in control. It's never easy to relinquish control or to assume the back seat. It's never easy to recognize that sometimes our own wishes and goals do not align themselves with God's will. But without a doubt, it is a path worth taking.

I can't wait to see where this path leads. Who knows where we'll be a year from now... Keep yourselves prepared! This family is on the move, and it may be one heck of a ride!

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 1

Children raised in the church all hear one way or another that God is in control:

"He's got the whole world in His hand..."

They're rightly taught as we're raised that God has placed our parents in control of us on earth and that we need to listen and do as told.

Then they grow up. Many go to college and fight through feelings about what is right and wrong and comparing what their parents taught them to what they want to believe. Usually, they come to their new values, some right some wrong and continue onto their new life with these. Often times, as they grow up they tend to go back towards what their parents have told them (your parents are right after all! { :) } ). These now grown ups have to make their own life decisions based on these values and the goals they want to see in their life. And its never easy.

This is what I'm starting to learn recently. God has humbled me and through many different occasions has used a two by four (or larger) to teach me a hard lesson that I should have just known. But being the hard headed individual that I am, it took a lot for me to let it sync in with my will and my life.

Even before college I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people and wanted to help by talking people through problems. In college I got the degree that would help me get to this goal. Of course I wanted a family but I never knew when my knight in shining armor would come around, so it just naturally made sense to start on my own path. I never would have guessed that I had already met my knight and a week after I graduated with my double major in Psychology and Spanish that we would be getting married. I never would have placed myself (although it makes sense) as a military wife and understanding every acronym (or most) that comes my way. I also would never have guessed that my identity would get so caught up with being a navy wife. Commissary, TRICARE, NEX, deployments, rates, benefits, ships, commands, etc are part of my daily vocabulary. I knew I was going to be a navy wife before we got married. I became ok with it. I guess you could even say I became excited for it. For the mission that we may be able to do while being in the service.

Since being a navy wife was first and foremost for me, my job would come second. Since my husband's hours have never been stable and the times he is home is always precious, I needed a career that could work around it as much as possible. Going back to school could have been great but it was not in the budget. So I found a job as a nanny and eventually started my own career as an Arbonne rep.

8 months after marriage, January arrived and J deployed for 7 months. It was less than ideal but I knew we were both strong and would be fine. This deployment opened our eyes in many ways. We realized where our emphasis as a family laid and we knew that we never wanted to have a one parent household with the other one drifting in and out as the military pleased. We both love family and everything it stands for and this just wasn't for us. All of this came about in a single question I asked my dear husband one cross global phone call: "Do you like your job?". J had signed up for 6 years and we're now past the 5 year mark. We have 1 year to go and this is the crunch time where we either sign up again or we find a job.

So with all this back ground being said, this is where God has taught me so much. I know regardless of what the end result will be, these times will be so pivotal for me. I have learned more than ever, I am such a small being in God's huge world. And HE is in control.

Part 2 to follow...

Months down... About a month to go.

Best intentions hmmm. Yep I had the best intentions to begin my blogging debut big time while J was gone but did that happen? Well, just look back at the blogs and you can see that this didn't happen. Go me! HA.

The good news however is that we're down to a little more than a month left before the hubby comes back. I can NOT wait! I have this weird idea that even though I know he's not supposed to come back till August that he is just going to walk up the sidewalk any second now. I had this feeling this morning and even though I had just talked to him I still hoped that this was going to happen. My head knew the truth but my heart hoped otherwise.

This fall J will be in the navy for 5 years and only have one left. We're trying to see what our next step is since one door just got slammed shut. We know God has something out there for us but not sure if its within the navy or outside. It's not easy to start talking about this while he's gone and I can't wait for him to come home so we can really lay out the options and pray together.

Scary Things = Reminders that hubby is deployed

You know your Saturday isn't going to be good when you wake up to hearing your dog barfing in her kennel. As I went closer to investigate, I realized how sick my poor Charlie was... For those that haven't met Charlie, she's a one year old lab mix and is about the most hilarious active dog ever! She is always bouncing around and ready to attack your face with kisses. So when I opened her kennel door and had to coax her out instead of her usual racing out I knew even more something was wrong.

If these were the only symptoms then I wouldn't have been too worried, but along with her being extremely lethargic were two cases of explosive diarrhea of which one was red. Yeah no good. The vet didn't have an appointment, and I only had 5 hours until they closed. I was told to drop her off and they would look at her in between appointments. I know I'm going to be a worrisome mom, because this got me so scared!

Now, I'm just waiting for a third thing to happen, bad things come in threes right? At the same time of me dealing with a sick dog, I also was told that my grandma was in the hospital. She wasn't feeling well last night, and as a result my grandpa and grandma stayed up and at 2am, it sounds like she fainted off her chair. I am still waiting to hear about her test results. All prayers are highly appreciated... My grandparents are almost 90 and still live at home. Health issues are starting to become more and more debilitating and my need to move into an assisted living facility. I know it may sound silly, but I've always wanted my grandparents to meet my children, and although I've started to realized that they probably won't meet all of J and my future kiddos, I still dream of them meeting our first (no this is not a confession, no bun in my oven yet!).

Thankfully, Charlie is back home with me and laying at my feet. She hasn't eaten much but is drinking a little water. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her but gave her some antibiotics, anti nausea and nutrition shots. She's doing better and I'm hoping to see my little spunky black kiddo when I see her in the morning!

These moments are moments where you realize maybe more than you had hoped to that your spouse was deployed. These were moments were I had realized that I was going to have to be strong without J. I didn't know when he was going to hear about Charlie, or how he was going to react, or when I was going to be able to speak to him... All I wanted to do was crumble and have him hold me and tell me it was going to be ok. So not easy.... People have told me time and time again, during deployment you realize how strong you really are. It is so true.

Home Sweet Home!

After two long weeks and a plane trip from hell I am home! It was wonderful to spend some great time in Montana with my family and enjoyed laughter, healing moments and sweet memories. It may take me some time, so bear with me but I look forward to share these with you in the hopes that they will make you laugh, smile or uplift your spirits.

I left with snow on the ground and showed up late last night so didn't get to see the weather here but when I woke up, I saw GREEN! Beautiful beautiful green grass and Spring!

Also folks, today is the first of April which means one more calendar turn towards the return of my husband! I can't wait!

Enjoy your first bite of April and laugh at those April Fools jokes!