Tuesday, October 19, 2010

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 1

Children raised in the church all hear one way or another that God is in control:
"He's got the whole world in His hand..."

They're rightly taught as we're raised that God has placed our parents in control of us on earth and that we need to listen and do as told.

Then they grow up. Many go to college and fight through feelings about what is right and wrong and comparing what their parents taught them to what they want to believe. Usually, they come to their new values, some right some wrong and continue onto their new life with these. Often times, as they grow up they tend to go back towards what their parents have told them (your parents are right after all! { :) } ). These now grown ups have to make their own life decisions based on these values and the goals they want to see in their life. And its never easy.

This is what I'm starting to learn recently. God has humbled me and through many different occasions has used a two by four (or larger) to teach me a hard lesson that I should have just known. But being the hard headed individual that I am, it took a lot for me to let it sync in with my will and my life.

Even before college I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people and wanted to help by talking people through problems. In college I got the degree that would help me get to this goal. Of course I wanted a family but I never knew when my knight in shining armor would come around, so it just naturally made sense to start on my own path. I never would have guessed that I had already met my knight and a week after I graduated with my double major in Psychology and Spanish that we would be getting married. I never would have placed myself (although it makes sense) as a military wife and understanding every acronym (or most) that comes my way. I also would never have guessed that my identity would get so caught up with being a navy wife. Commissary, TRICARE, NEX, deployments, rates, benefits, ships, commands, etc are part of my daily vocabulary. I knew I was going to be a navy wife before we got married. I became ok with it. I guess you could even say I became excited for it. For the mission that we may be able to do while being in the service.

Since being a navy wife was first and foremost for me, my job would come second. Since my husband's hours have never been stable and the times he is home is always precious, I needed a career that could work around it as much as possible. Going back to school could have been great but it was not in the budget. So I found a job as a nanny and eventually started my own career as an Arbonne rep.

8 months after marriage, January arrived and J deployed for 7 months. It was less than ideal but I knew we were both strong and would be fine. This deployment opened our eyes in many ways. We realized where our emphasis as a family laid and we knew that we never wanted to have a one parent household with the other one drifting in and out as the military pleased. We both love family and everything it stands for and this just wasn't for us. All of this came about in a single question I asked my dear husband one cross global phone call: "Do you like your job?". J had signed up for 6 years and we're now past the 5 year mark. We have 1 year to go and this is the crunch time where we either sign up again or we find a job.

So with all this back ground being said, this is where God has taught me so much. I know regardless of what the end result will be, these times will be so pivotal for me. I have learned more than ever, I am such a small being in God's huge world. And HE is in control.

Part 2 to follow...

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