Thursday, November 4, 2010

"God, what is YOUR plan?" leading to... "I'm just on for the ride"

This week my kick "a" husband is in Austin for interviews for a potential job because next year he will be getting out of the navy. Some history on this is in the last two blogs... He did a ride-a-long with a police department which is good for his applications and also just for his knowledge. He absolutely loved it... It was awesome to hear the excitement in his voice. To know that the future job that your husband may have is one that he's going to love is the best feeling ever.

This morning, I got the worst feeling ever. I got a call at 8:30 from my husband who was supposed to be in the middle of testing. He had to do so many sit-ups and push-ups and a good run. The guy holding down his feet was leaning too far forward and made it difficult for J to complete a situp because he was going to hit the guys head. So because of this, he was unable to go as fast as normal and thus was one less sit up than they required. My husband is in the military and very much in shape. This test was supposed to be no problem.

So we thought.

My husband was upset with himself and of course the stupid guy. He was bummed and was worried of how I would think. I did not blame J by any means but just was astonished that they would disqualify him that easily and would't let him try again. I couldn't believe that this was how it ended because we believed there would be no problem.

We had this all figured out. All planned out. We were overconfident with OUR plans.

So my mind starts running, "Was this not God's plan? What is His plan? What now?".

My sweet mother-in-law put it succinctly, maybe this IS God's plan? Maybe God is sending us in another direction to protect us and he had to use that guy....

So my heart still wonders but the anxiety isn't quite as prevalent. Rather, I'm excited to see what God has in store for us. I know it's going to be big. It's so scary but I'm getting so excited. God is good and man am I glad that I'm not in control! His control is sooooo much better and I know his plan will be too...

So again, just another little piece in this family's saga. This should be super interesting! Stay tuned.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 2

After that one phone call question that seemingly changed everything, J and I began discussing our future. Where did we want to be in ten years? What type of people did we want to be? Where did we want to raise our family? How did we want to raise our family? These types of discussions led to another comment. I reminded my husband of a comment about his desire to be in law enforcement and asked if this was still the case. This was the beginning of our new direction. After months of preparing Joe's package to try to do the switch between enlisted and officer and a quick swift door closing in that direction, we were started on another long interview process.

We began thinking, where would we move? We do have have family's in the same state and I have never truly been able to call a place home. We both are not crazy about Virginia and I know my allergies will thank me for leaving so Virginia has never been a real option but rather a last resort. With the decision that we wanted our kids to be raised with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins we knew that Texas or Montana were our first two places on the list. We talked about Montana where my parents are currently residing but how long would they remain there and how was the job market? Did we want to deal with the cold? (Joe had no problem with that last question, but I was a little iffy.) We then moved on to Texas. Did we want the heat? Yep, that was the only real question. All of Joe's immediate family lives within a 3 1/2 mile radius and the majority is within 30 minutes. The job market was good as there are so many different police departments. We also both love the city. So while Joe was still deployed he began the second interview packet. This interview packet included some very personal questions and a lot of digging... I caught myself thinking, man am I ready for this? This was a big change. No longer would I be able to ask: "Do you have a military discount?" (this may seem trivial but it just is a small part of the big military picture.) We would have to pack up, and move our two vehicles, two dogs and (multiplying) belongings over 1300 miles. We would have to find a place to live, I may have to find a new job.. and oh that thing called friends which are finally starting to happen. Yep- gotta leave them again.

In so many ways, it really is like starting all over again. Was I ready for this? Were we ready for this?

While visiting Joe's family in August, Joe delivered his huge (I believe it was like 60 pages) application to the Austin City Police Department. He scheduled his next interview (They go through 2 sets of interviews and then you have to go through the academy) for the first week of November. This interview consists of physical and mental exams. He will have to take a polygraph test! (I laugh at this from the psychology perspective... so not accurate!) We had to buy him a suit and a plane ticket and reserve a rental car. This is a big step! Not only are we trying to get out of the navy but we're putting hundreds of dollars into this interview process.

Can you say trust?

I started doubting and wondering and just being my little worry wort self. Along with this is the question that I think just about any married couple asks. The question of children. I work with kids all day long and as much as some people may think it is great birth control, I just wish I got all the happy moments too.. I get the tears and the naps and the lunch time meal but I don't get the cuddles in the evening and all the laughter and happiness. I can't wait to have that myself. Now that we're married and in a different place in our life I find that we are around a lot of couples with kids. J has gotten the opportunity to hang out with children and see what a blessing they are. We have met a great couple and they've truly become such blessed friends. Their daughter is such a joy and it just warms my heart to see how happy and content J is with her.

Beginning on the wedding day, we started to get comments about when were we going to have babies... Crazy how people start that early huh? We get advice whether we want it or not on starting early or waiting and having kids later in life. We have come to realize how to turn off our hearing for this unwarranted advice and know that in so many ways we will never be completely ready. It's a life changing experience for many reasons. Since we're both family oriented we knew that we wanted kids earlier on in life... The question was just when.

We kept wondering when God wanted us to have kids and started worrying about this and that. My weird and worry wort worries were about adding a kid to the mix of moving. God used my mother in laws blog to speak to me. Her story is one in many ways similar to ours. The young couple decided for her to quit her job and her last day of work she found out she was pregnant with baby #1. It was a lot of finagling and concern about money but God never failed them, their needs and then some were always met. God is truly good and never failed to provide. This hit me hard and by the time I was done reading I had several tears rolling down my face. I kept wondering when would be the right time to have kids and wondered if it was before we left the navy, if it was during the academy or waiting till he was done with the academy or maybe when Joe's career was settled. Everything had its positives and negatives. Mama B's testimony just reminded me that God never failed and no matter having Him in control of the ride was the best place to be in...

I feel like the last year has aged me, but in a good way. I learned some lessons to never forget. God is in control. It's never easy to relinquish control or to assume the back seat. It's never easy to recognize that sometimes our own wishes and goals do not align themselves with God's will. But without a doubt, it is a path worth taking.

I can't wait to see where this path leads. Who knows where we'll be a year from now... Keep yourselves prepared! This family is on the move, and it may be one heck of a ride!

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 1

Children raised in the church all hear one way or another that God is in control:
"He's got the whole world in His hand..."

They're rightly taught as we're raised that God has placed our parents in control of us on earth and that we need to listen and do as told.

Then they grow up. Many go to college and fight through feelings about what is right and wrong and comparing what their parents taught them to what they want to believe. Usually, they come to their new values, some right some wrong and continue onto their new life with these. Often times, as they grow up they tend to go back towards what their parents have told them (your parents are right after all! { :) } ). These now grown ups have to make their own life decisions based on these values and the goals they want to see in their life. And its never easy.

This is what I'm starting to learn recently. God has humbled me and through many different occasions has used a two by four (or larger) to teach me a hard lesson that I should have just known. But being the hard headed individual that I am, it took a lot for me to let it sync in with my will and my life.

Even before college I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people and wanted to help by talking people through problems. In college I got the degree that would help me get to this goal. Of course I wanted a family but I never knew when my knight in shining armor would come around, so it just naturally made sense to start on my own path. I never would have guessed that I had already met my knight and a week after I graduated with my double major in Psychology and Spanish that we would be getting married. I never would have placed myself (although it makes sense) as a military wife and understanding every acronym (or most) that comes my way. I also would never have guessed that my identity would get so caught up with being a navy wife. Commissary, TRICARE, NEX, deployments, rates, benefits, ships, commands, etc are part of my daily vocabulary. I knew I was going to be a navy wife before we got married. I became ok with it. I guess you could even say I became excited for it. For the mission that we may be able to do while being in the service.

Since being a navy wife was first and foremost for me, my job would come second. Since my husband's hours have never been stable and the times he is home is always precious, I needed a career that could work around it as much as possible. Going back to school could have been great but it was not in the budget. So I found a job as a nanny and eventually started my own career as an Arbonne rep.

8 months after marriage, January arrived and J deployed for 7 months. It was less than ideal but I knew we were both strong and would be fine. This deployment opened our eyes in many ways. We realized where our emphasis as a family laid and we knew that we never wanted to have a one parent household with the other one drifting in and out as the military pleased. We both love family and everything it stands for and this just wasn't for us. All of this came about in a single question I asked my dear husband one cross global phone call: "Do you like your job?". J had signed up for 6 years and we're now past the 5 year mark. We have 1 year to go and this is the crunch time where we either sign up again or we find a job.

So with all this back ground being said, this is where God has taught me so much. I know regardless of what the end result will be, these times will be so pivotal for me. I have learned more than ever, I am such a small being in God's huge world. And HE is in control.

Part 2 to follow...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Months down... About a month to go.

Best intentions hmmm. Yep I had the best intentions to begin my blogging debut big time while J was gone but did that happen? Well, just look back at the blogs and you can see that this didn't happen. Go me! HA.

The good news however is that we're down to a little more than a month left before the hubby comes back. I can NOT wait! I have this weird idea that even though I know he's not supposed to come back till August that he is just going to walk up the sidewalk any second now. I had this feeling this morning and even though I had just talked to him I still hoped that this was going to happen. My head knew the truth but my heart hoped otherwise.

This fall J will be in the navy for 5 years and only have one left. We're trying to see what our next step is since one door just got slammed shut. We know God has something out there for us but not sure if its within the navy or outside. It's not easy to start talking about this while he's gone and I can't wait for him to come home so we can really lay out the options and pray together.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Scary Things = Reminders that hubby is deployed

You know your Saturday isn't going to be good when you wake up to hearing your dog barfing in her kennel. As I went closer to investigate, I realized how sick my poor Charlie was... For those that haven't met Charlie, she's a one year old lab mix and is about the most hilarious active dog ever! She is always bouncing around and ready to attack your face with kisses. So when I opened her kennel door and had to coax her out instead of her usual racing out I knew even more something was wrong.

If these were the only symptoms then I wouldn't have been too worried, but along with her being extremely lethargic were two cases of explosive diarrhea of which one was red. Yeah no good. The vet didn't have an appointment, and I only had 5 hours until they closed. I was told to drop her off and they would look at her in between appointments. I know I'm going to be a worrisome mom, because this got me so scared!

Now, I'm just waiting for a third thing to happen, bad things come in threes right? At the same time of me dealing with a sick dog, I also was told that my grandma was in the hospital. She wasn't feeling well last night, and as a result my grandpa and grandma stayed up and at 2am, it sounds like she fainted off her chair. I am still waiting to hear about her test results. All prayers are highly appreciated... My grandparents are almost 90 and still live at home. Health issues are starting to become more and more debilitating and my need to move into an assisted living facility. I know it may sound silly, but I've always wanted my grandparents to meet my children, and although I've started to realized that they probably won't meet all of J and my future kiddos, I still dream of them meeting our first (no this is not a confession, no bun in my oven yet!).

Thankfully, Charlie is back home with me and laying at my feet. She hasn't eaten much but is drinking a little water. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with her but gave her some antibiotics, anti nausea and nutrition shots. She's doing better and I'm hoping to see my little spunky black kiddo when I see her in the morning!

These moments are moments where you realize maybe more than you had hoped to that your spouse was deployed. These were moments were I had realized that I was going to have to be strong without J. I didn't know when he was going to hear about Charlie, or how he was going to react, or when I was going to be able to speak to him... All I wanted to do was crumble and have him hold me and tell me it was going to be ok. So not easy.... People have told me time and time again, during deployment you realize how strong you really are. It is so true.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Home Sweet Home!

After two long weeks and a plane trip from hell I am home! It was wonderful to spend some great time in Montana with my family and enjoyed laughter, healing moments and sweet memories. It may take me some time, so bear with me but I look forward to share these with you in the hopes that they will make you laugh, smile or uplift your spirits.

I left with snow on the ground and showed up late last night so didn't get to see the weather here but when I woke up, I saw GREEN! Beautiful beautiful green grass and Spring!

Also folks, today is the first of April which means one more calendar turn towards the return of my husband! I can't wait!

Enjoy your first bite of April and laugh at those April Fools jokes!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Lawn mower? Mowing Lawns... UHHHH

In between my junior and senior year, I was able to travel to Honduras to visit my cousin and her little family. Holly met her husband Alex on an educational mission trip and he is the youth pastor of a church in Tegucigalpa. I was able to create it as a family trip but also as a missions trip.
One of the things I was able to do while I was there was help translate with another mission trip group. This group was from my cousin's home church that helped support the church in Honduras. One of their church support practices is to introduce the mission group members to the church family so that they get a face to face interaction with the people they support. My cousin Holly had to organize these dinner get-togethers and arranged for there to be a translator with each group. They ended up needing me to be a translator. I hardly was able to eat because I had to listen to the English and the Spanish at the same time and be able to translate. I was able to manage just about everything
one of the young men tried to explain what he does for work during the summer. He mows the lawn. I'm sitting there trying to rack my brain for the word for mow, grass or just about anything that can help give a explanation or translation. My mind is going through any synonym or word that can explain. I'm thinking green, outside, summer, and then start making noises and demonstrating what exactly I'm talking about. I even stood up and made hand motions demonstrating that a lawn mower does this... Both cultures were very amused as I'm struggling to come up with the word...
Now I know exactly what it is so that it will never be nerve wracking and embarrassing again.
Cortar el c├ęsped

Friday, March 5, 2010

About US!

I happen to love these type of things... They get me hooked and heck while I'm loving on my fruit smoothie I will complete it! Recipe to follow... MMMMM and so healthy!

1. What are your middle names?
-- Christine and Christopher no joke!

2. How long have you been together?

--2 years in June.

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
--6 years

4. Who asked who out?
--He asked me out about 5 years ago but I turned him down. It just kind of clicked one phone call in June.

5. How old are each of you?
--I'm 21 and he's 24

6. Did you go to the same school?

7. Are you from the same home town?

8. Who is the smartest?
--We are smart in two different ways. J is incredibly smart in science and maths etc. I'm more of the english, languages, emotion smart!

9. Who majored in what?
--I was a psychology and spanish double major and J doesn't have his degree yet but he did a electrician apprenticeship

10. Who is the most sensitive?
--We both are, he hides it more.

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
--Our pseudo honeymoon, we drove from Montana to Virginia.

12. Who has the worst temper?
--HMM... I think I have more little flairs but J has the bigger ones

13. How many children do you want?
--I love kids, keep them coming but we've agreed on 5 tops.

14. Who does the cooking?
--Mainly me!

15. Who is more social?
-- That one is so easy, I am.

16. Who is the neat freak?
--We're both fairly similar to where its not a huge deal but we do like to clean together

17. Who is the most stubborn?
--Ha! Both of us!

18. Who wakes up earlier?
--J typically but when he doesn't have to work then I definitely do.

19. Where was your first date?
--I'm trying to remember... Can't really recall... Maybe my Birthday dinner at Ferrano's. Oh the trials of a long distance relationship.

20. Who has the bigger family?
--J does, he's one of 6 siblings and all of them but one are married now!

21. Do you get flowers often?
--no, I told him that I wasn't crazy about cut flowers. Why? I don't know... I'm crazy sometimes. I do love them actually

22. How do you spend the holidays?
--We're trying to do one year with his family and one with mine. Last year he came to MT to meet my family and this next year we're going to be there again but we're going to see his family in the fall.

23. Who is more jealous?
--I think he is.

24. How long did it take to get serious?
--Immediately. I wrote in a journal less than one month later that I loved him and couldn't wait to be married to him.

25. Who eats more?
-- Very debatable.

26. What do you do for a living?
--I am a stay at home wife and work for a couple families as a mommy's helper.

27. Who does the laundry?

28. Who's better with the computer?

29. Who drives when you are together?
--He does

30. What is your song?
--We don't really have one. We danced to Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk for our first dance but we have such different musical tastes so he doesn't like to listen to it. HA!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

True Story Tuesday

Wow! It's already been another week! They're flying by!!!! I feel like doing a fist pump yess!!! This means that deployment is also flying by and that is fantastic news.

This week's true story takes place about 11 years ago in Shanghai, China. My family had just moved to China and in normal moving fashion we were living in a furnished apartment until all of our furniture arrived on the slow boat to China (quite literally!) My parents had left for a work dinner and my siblings and I were at the apartment with an old family friend, who is also like a big sister to me. She had actually moved to Shanghai before we had and it was wonderful to have her there for support while we lived there. My brother and I got the wise idea to tie on our roller blades and slide around the very slippery wood floors of the apartment.

Now, if you don't know me or don't know me well then you do not know that I am the biggest klutz ever! I will walk into a wall or trip over my own feet so the fact that I was wearing really nice and fast roller blades and newly waxed wooden floors was a horrible idea. Add to this first horrible idea was the one where somehow tag got started with a ball. My brother was throwing a ball at me and one throw hit me on the back of my leg at a reflex spot. Instantly I was down with my right leg underneath me and I was screaming in pain. Our family friend came running and I kept saying it can't be broken it can't! I had broken my right arm less than 2 years earlier... We were able to get the boot off after a long lengthy process of slowly pulling and stopping because of the excruciating pain. I was only able to make it to the doorway of the closest bedroom and fell asleep. My parent's woke me up and got me into bed where I spent the rest of the night watching movies because I just couldn't sleep.

The next morning, I got sat on an office chair so that they could wheel me to the elevator and then downstairs to the waiting car. We were then off to the Expatriate Doctors office. After a miserable time getting my leg x-rayed (the technician kept pulling my leg in horrible positions) I was told that my leg was broken. Not just broken mind you, but broken with a spiral fracture! The doctors couldn't set this because it required surgery. My leg was temporarily set in a fabric cast so that I could get on a plane to Hong Kong. I got wheeled straight through the metal detectors and carried onto the plane where I caught up on some sleep. Once reaching Hong Kong, the taxi took me straight to the hospital so I could get two pins placed into my leg...

What an adventure! In one of the other true story Tuesday blogs, I will let y'all know about how recuperation and surgery to get the screws removed felt!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Wonderful Giveaway!

Hello Fellow Bloggers! Especially for the military ones... There is this wonderful blog I follow and she's doing a giveaway! It has actually been an item that I was thinking of buying.. So please! go check her out and maybe become her fellow blogger.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Following Christ and Listening to the Call

Today, both the Sunday school and the pastor's sermon had something to do with following the call as you listen to Christ. It got me really thinking about what could be my call. I specifically recall a conversation I had with my father at a restaurant before I began dating J. We had discussed how that I felt a certain calling in my life to the military. My dad recommended for me to get into the Peace Corps, since of course he wanted his baby girl to be safe and use her education. Soon after, J and I started dating and I had an AHA moment. It made sense that by being J's wife, I could also be serving my country. There was another side that I had forgotten about till today. How do I serve God with this also? I had mentioned to J awhile ago about a type of ministry that I don't see much of but it could definitely be used. J had told me about how hard his early days of military were, with not having a place to go and working through so much. Many military men join the military to run away from bad circumstances or no circumstances. I told J that I would love to make our house a place where they felt comfortable and could learn about Christ. More than this, I would love to have a mission to the wives. I would love to have a mission also with the wives.

I would love to hear y'alls opinion on what you think could be the best way to do this, what is most needed and what you needed at some point of your life....

Also, what is God calling YOU to do?

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

True Story Tuesday

I had gotten this idea from a blog I follow... If you want a good laugh then please go read hers... too funny! I'm going to try to do it every week in an attempt to actually be better as a blogger! Thanks for being patient with me y'all...

When I was a sophomore in high school, my parents hosted "Final Friday Parties". On the last Friday of each month we had friends over and would do all sorts of crazy funny activities. My parent's wanted us to have a drug and alcohol free location where we could be ourselves and feel comfortable to invite friends. Somehow my brother and I came up with this interesting game with Saran wrap. We hunted down a costco size roll and at the next party put it to use. We wrapped eachother up from shoulder to mid calf and would have wars.

(This is actually me, in my saran wrapped glory)

The purpose was to knock each other over but you had to make sure to have at least two unwrapped people to each wrapped since you would have no center of balance and flop over and can't get back up! So after several matches we decide to walk down the road just for kicks. As we walk down a soccer mom stops and asks if we need help. She thought we were intoxicated. Soon after that, one of my friends fell over but because of her large bust her nose didn't even touch the asphalt. This was just one of my many hilarious and fun experiences with Final Fridays!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Husband is Deployed Awareness Day

hello, my husband is deployed awareness day. I royally hate you. Next year, I'll love you but this year... Can you please go away with all your pink and red and lovey dovey goodness? With all your radio station "I hope you dance" type songs and all the cute couples getting dressed up for dinner... Just go away day.

Friday, February 5, 2010

The toughest job

Being a navy wife.. It's the toughest job in the navy.... We have to be strong for them. I started watching army wives and they said something that really hit me. We have to be strong for them because if get shaken and if they can't perform their job because they're worried for us then not only is their life at stake but so also is our country. This is why it is so tough we must hurt but be strong. Love but let go. Get but give big.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

In the meantime...

While the man is gone, I've realized that this is the last time in my life that I will be alone for this amount of time. Next deployment we will have a family most likely and then we'll have retirement so I'll never have this much time again. So I figured I should take advantage of this time! Do what I need to do! One thing is losing THE weight. I lost 30 pounds in highschool (see picture- THOSE are my skinny days! ;)

(My brother and I, Austin Texas in 2004)
Then I got to college and believe me you, the freshman 15 are not a lie! Second semester freshman year I got mono and had to deal with the weight gain that it caused. I was able to manage it for awhile but because of all that I managed during my last two years of college my body was inhibiting weight loss. After getting married, the adjustment took me for a little loop and I had to finally put the foot down on the desire to give Joe whatever type of food he wanted! So with all this being said... It is time!

So what workout and weight loss tips do y'all have?

Friday, January 29, 2010


The past week has flown in some ways but I feel like its been so long since I heard the key turn in the door and "Honey?" I miss my other half so much. I feel the most lonely at nights and on the weekends and since its both the night and weekend, its the worst. I don't know how to explain the feeling... like there's a hole in my heart... J has also been super busy so the emails aren't quite as long as I'd like but then again they will never be long enough?
I haven't lost it and just cried since last Thursday when he left, but I just did... I miss my other half.

I miss his presence. I miss his smile. I miss his voice. I miss his laugh. I miss his touch. I miss him.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Getting back on the horse, so to speak...

I have a confession. I'm a follower of Christ but I haven't been following as much as I would like... I've failed at keeping that relationship with Christ going! Now, I'm ready to go for it! I'm so passionate for God and I can't wait to keep going in my walk with Him.

Church was awesome today! I learned so much in both church and sunday school... One thing that hit me in church was a huge conviction on how my heart isn't passionate enough for God. I remember how I once heard that God wants a hot or cold heart not a warm one... Recently, I would classify mine as warm but I have so much passion for learning and growing that its getting hot and I couldn't be more excited about it! Pastor Eric said some great things... One was that just showing up at church and going through the emotions aren't enough for God, our heart is the most important thing! I have always known this, but today it hit me.... Does my heart beat for the pleasure of God? This was all stationed around the passage of Genesis 4 with the story of Cain and Abel... They both had very good offerings to God. Both the fruits of the soil and the fat of the firstborn (Gen 4:3-4) were even in the mind of the Lord. So why was Cain's not good enough? Because of his attitude! The Bible says that God looked at them and THEN their offering... Cain's heart wasn't in the right place. I am so often guilty of that.

Pastor Eric then went on to talk about sin. I know I sin, I know I'm wrong often and I think many know that as well... We're not perfect, we all fail. How often do we think about our response to it? Not only do we need to have a passionate heart for God but at the same time we need to rid ourselves of the sin in our life. We need to adjust to Gods word, and rule over that sin! Sin sits at our door, feeds on our selfish desire, leads us to hide and deny it and act like its not there and it results in death! (James 3:14-15 and James 1: 14-15)... "Pride is self-seeking on steroids" (Pastor Eric). Who wants that? Definitely not me!

In Sunday school we talked about something that may be true in the not so distant future... Being good Christian parents. That we need to set an example for our children and not just tell them but SHOW them... Its walking the talk! With everything else that had hit me in church, this also hit me in that who do I want to be for my kids? I want to be passionate and understanding, loving and respectful, I want to be recognizing my own faults and dealing with them.

What a growing day!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The little reminders...

I'm used to J being gone on underways... In some ways, it has gotten to be very normal. A couple days here, a couple days there, a couple weeks here is the norm in the military. With this being said, it was very surprising about the emotions that I've been having. It's the little things that get me... However I have noticed that its a love/hate relationship in that I also love them because it reminds me of him and gives me a sensation of his presence! The little things that usually irritate me while he's here are now things that I wish would happen every day because that would mean he was here! You know, like the pair of underwear on the bedroom floor or the beer bottle caps that didn't quite make it to the trash can. I love that there is shaving cream in the shower, pictures on the way, loving touches that we've done together... because it means it's a sign of him being here even though he isn't. I love that when I opened a kitchen cabinet today I saw the the Vanilla Infusion that Joe and I put together before he left... It's a bottle that he gave me for Christmas with vanilla sticks that you add vodka to, and then wait 6 months to use it as a vanilla extract (i believe). We're going to wait one extra month to use it and that means that he'll be home! I cannot wait!

While J's gone, I have some challenges and expectations to accomplish!
1) Further my relationship with Christ
2) Further my marriage with J
3) Lose weight
4) Get my business with Arbonne going
... amongst other smaller things!!!

While I was working out yesterday, I watched a bit of a discussion with Obama at a college... -I'm not a Obama lover, I voted for McCain- He was talking a lot about health-care... What do y'all think? I'll post more about this next time!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Numbness is gone, reality set in...

The last week has been one big week of chaos! J had some alignments to do in his division that he had to do in the evenings so he was switched to the evening roster.... They allowed for him to be duty free since his days would be so off anyway which was a huge blessing! We had the days to get things done that we had needed to do for forever and a day! Thankfully this also worked out perfectly since he was supposed to have duty the day before deployment (yesterday). However, as the time came to a close, of course the plan had to change as well... Someone on J's division told chain of command that the alignments were done (which they weren't) and then they pulled these guys off of the evening shift... So of course what does that mean? They throw him on duty and we have no clue if I will be able to spend any time together before he leaves. AHHHH! He was able to come home for a couple hours before watch so he could help me finish packing for him! At 7pm he sent me a text and said, I'm coming home! Pick me up at 9:45! YAY! Being able to spend the last night with him was the most incredible thing ever... Just to see him, and hold him, to smile at him and laugh with him... to cuddle and to sleep knowing that I had a short amount of time made me completely enjoy every second!

We got up at 5:15 so that he could be on the ship at 6am. I grabbed Skip-bo on the way out thinking that we would need to keep things light-hearted instead of freaking out and talking about the impending deployment the entire morning. The Captain allowed for civilians to be on the ship till 9 am and the ship was scheduled to pull out at 10am. Finally at the call for Civilians to leave the ship we walked out and the reality of why I was there started to set in... The wives were crying all around us and it made me tear up as well. Before we wanted to let go, the call for the sailors to go back on the ship happened and we had to say our "see you later's". One of the worst things and best things ever was to watch him across the edge of the pier as they took forever (1 hour) to get the ship ready... We were able to talk a little and I tried to be strong by making faces and making both of us laugh... I realized in the last couple days more than ever how much I LOVE my man. He's the most incredible person and he's proved to love me more than I could ever expect. He made my heart melt last night when he told me that he never thought that he could love me more than he did when we started dating and that he's fallen more in love with me every day. The feeling is so very very mutual... I know so sappy right?
I watched as the ship left and as my husband's wave got smaller and smaller... I then transitioned to the other side of the base so i could watch them leave... In some ways it was difficult, in other ways I'm glad I got to see them leave. It will be so neat to see the ship pull back in from the same direction that they left... Lets just fast-forward these months shall we?!
I was able to drive myself home (I had arranged for a girlfriend to pick me up if need be)... Then i pretty much crawled into bed. 2 hours of watching the ship leave in very cold weather made for a very frozen Sara. I was so completely numb that one of my best friends had to remind me to eat... After I finally ate, I realized how hungry I was!!! (It was 5pm and I hadn't eaten since 6 am and I'm a 3 meal a day person). With my belly full of food, the numbness disappeared and the reality sunk in...

I'm trying to be so strong. I am married to one of the most amazing men ever and am so blessed!!! I can't complain about him being gone when I have him the rest of my life. I will be strong, I will be strong! (The little engine that could...)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The countdown is almost over...

...and I'm going to have to say "goodbye", or rather "see you later". I know I'm made of tough stuff but this is where it gets tested. Within a week I will be saying goodbye to the love of my life for 7 months and it still scares me. We have so much left to do but thankfully have been enjoying some wonderful time together. I will miss you so much J!

Bear with me until I can post again.... There will be many more later on as I will be alone.

Monday, January 11, 2010

This and That

A couple posts ago, I mentioned that J and I will be a first time Aunt and Uncle... We couldn't have been more excited... Now we couldn't be even more sad for his brother and sister-inlaw, they lost their baby... I can't even imagine what that may feel like. I know that lots of people go through it especially during the first trimester but I cannot help but hope that it is one loss that I will never have to go through. Please say a prayer for them if you would... It is a very difficult situation.

I'm trying to keep it all together these days... Many wives have told me that when the deployment is impending it is very easy to snap and allow little things to be big things... I am aware that I also fall into this category and being aware does help because then I'm aware of how I'm reacting (or over-reacting ;P) In many ways I want time to just stand still but in others I want it to fast forward with quite high speeds till August... I have decided though that the way for me to get through this is to make it "my time". I may never have this time again and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts... I'm going to put my health on the top of my priority list, but not before God. He is my number one!!! I want to grow leaps and bounds in the next 7 months. "I want to know you, I want to hear your voice, I want to know you more"....