Tuesday, October 19, 2010

God is in control...A lesson in letting go. Part 2

After that one phone call question that seemingly changed everything, J and I began discussing our future. Where did we want to be in ten years? What type of people did we want to be? Where did we want to raise our family? How did we want to raise our family? These types of discussions led to another comment. I reminded my husband of a comment about his desire to be in law enforcement and asked if this was still the case. This was the beginning of our new direction. After months of preparing Joe's package to try to do the switch between enlisted and officer and a quick swift door closing in that direction, we were started on another long interview process.

We began thinking, where would we move? We do have have family's in the same state and I have never truly been able to call a place home. We both are not crazy about Virginia and I know my allergies will thank me for leaving so Virginia has never been a real option but rather a last resort. With the decision that we wanted our kids to be raised with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins we knew that Texas or Montana were our first two places on the list. We talked about Montana where my parents are currently residing but how long would they remain there and how was the job market? Did we want to deal with the cold? (Joe had no problem with that last question, but I was a little iffy.) We then moved on to Texas. Did we want the heat? Yep, that was the only real question. All of Joe's immediate family lives within a 3 1/2 mile radius and the majority is within 30 minutes. The job market was good as there are so many different police departments. We also both love the city. So while Joe was still deployed he began the second interview packet. This interview packet included some very personal questions and a lot of digging... I caught myself thinking, man am I ready for this? This was a big change. No longer would I be able to ask: "Do you have a military discount?" (this may seem trivial but it just is a small part of the big military picture.) We would have to pack up, and move our two vehicles, two dogs and (multiplying) belongings over 1300 miles. We would have to find a place to live, I may have to find a new job.. and oh that thing called friends which are finally starting to happen. Yep- gotta leave them again.

In so many ways, it really is like starting all over again. Was I ready for this? Were we ready for this?

While visiting Joe's family in August, Joe delivered his huge (I believe it was like 60 pages) application to the Austin City Police Department. He scheduled his next interview (They go through 2 sets of interviews and then you have to go through the academy) for the first week of November. This interview consists of physical and mental exams. He will have to take a polygraph test! (I laugh at this from the psychology perspective... so not accurate!) We had to buy him a suit and a plane ticket and reserve a rental car. This is a big step! Not only are we trying to get out of the navy but we're putting hundreds of dollars into this interview process.

Can you say trust?

I started doubting and wondering and just being my little worry wort self. Along with this is the question that I think just about any married couple asks. The question of children. I work with kids all day long and as much as some people may think it is great birth control, I just wish I got all the happy moments too.. I get the tears and the naps and the lunch time meal but I don't get the cuddles in the evening and all the laughter and happiness. I can't wait to have that myself. Now that we're married and in a different place in our life I find that we are around a lot of couples with kids. J has gotten the opportunity to hang out with children and see what a blessing they are. We have met a great couple and they've truly become such blessed friends. Their daughter is such a joy and it just warms my heart to see how happy and content J is with her.

Beginning on the wedding day, we started to get comments about when were we going to have babies... Crazy how people start that early huh? We get advice whether we want it or not on starting early or waiting and having kids later in life. We have come to realize how to turn off our hearing for this unwarranted advice and know that in so many ways we will never be completely ready. It's a life changing experience for many reasons. Since we're both family oriented we knew that we wanted kids earlier on in life... The question was just when.

We kept wondering when God wanted us to have kids and started worrying about this and that. My weird and worry wort worries were about adding a kid to the mix of moving. God used my mother in laws blog to speak to me. Her story is one in many ways similar to ours. The young couple decided for her to quit her job and her last day of work she found out she was pregnant with baby #1. It was a lot of finagling and concern about money but God never failed them, their needs and then some were always met. God is truly good and never failed to provide. This hit me hard and by the time I was done reading I had several tears rolling down my face. I kept wondering when would be the right time to have kids and wondered if it was before we left the navy, if it was during the academy or waiting till he was done with the academy or maybe when Joe's career was settled. Everything had its positives and negatives. Mama B's testimony just reminded me that God never failed and no matter having Him in control of the ride was the best place to be in...

I feel like the last year has aged me, but in a good way. I learned some lessons to never forget. God is in control. It's never easy to relinquish control or to assume the back seat. It's never easy to recognize that sometimes our own wishes and goals do not align themselves with God's will. But without a doubt, it is a path worth taking.

I can't wait to see where this path leads. Who knows where we'll be a year from now... Keep yourselves prepared! This family is on the move, and it may be one heck of a ride!

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