Tonight my husband and I sat down in order to nail down some thoughts and expectations for Naomi's celebration of life. We knew we wanted to do a balloon release, have our pastor talk and have it in nature but that was about as far as our thoughts went. Talking about our girl and what our expectations were definitely was hard and brought up a lot of emotions and other thoughts. I am exhausted emotionally right now but wanted to get the words down.
One of the hardest things to do post Naomi's return to Jesus is to tell people that don't know what happened. In many ways I blindside them. Nobody expects a baby at 40 weeks to die in the womb... Very little people hear of a stillbirth at that point or know someone that goes through it. Our culture is really horrible about how we death with infant death. I'm sure I'll blog more about that at some point because it is truly on my heart. We pretend that if we don't talk about a baby's death that it goes away. It doesn't. That baby still died and the hopes, dreams and future is no longer there. If the parents are believers then they will meet their baby again in Heaven but everything earthly is ripped away...
When I have to explain my situation to someone, I can summarize the responses in two ways: "I'm so sorry! What happened?!" and "I'm so sorry!! I don't want to bring it up and cause you more pain." Unless you've been in my shoes or in a similar pair,one doesn't know what to say and that's ok... I get that. I don't hold any ill regard to them. I really don't. I have been dealing with the death of my daughter for 6 weeks now. I think about her so many times a day that I couldn't count... the other person never saw it coming.
Although Naomi's death absolutely stinks and I would love nothing more to have her here there is also joy. Besides the joy of her being with Jesus and knowing nothing more than love and perfection in Heaven, there is the joy that we had while we had her with us. I love being a proud mama and talking about my daughter. Although at times it may be painful because I miss her, it really doesn't hurt me to talk about her. There is a difference. I love talking about my daughter. I loved when someone asks me how much she weighed, or what she looked like. I love being a proud mama. Someone this last week commented that I didn't just lose a baby, I lost a child. It is so true. I no longer have my daughter here but by not talking about her, it is doing me no good. Parents of children in Heaven like to talk about their babies. We want people to ask us about them. We want them remembered.
I'm a proud Mama of an Angel so please: Cry with me. Pray with me and walk through this next stage of my life with me... Remember her with us. Remember the other babies. Share special dates. Things that made you think about her. Ask me things. Talk to me. Let me share with you what I do have.