Friday, February 6, 2015

A letter to my oldest.

My dear Sophia,
One day I want you to be able to read this and know my mama heart. I want you to you how hard this year has been but through it all how very much you are loved and how much I am glad you are a part of our lives.

You are 3 now and you are my three-nager. Finally becoming so vocal,  you will tell me when your feelings are hurt or you are feeling happy. You will tell me randomly how much you love me and that is probably my absolute favorite. I adore watching you grow and learn even when you are grumpy. I love you being in our family. We are so much better off because you are here.

I am so proud of you I know you don't understand all that has happened this year but you have been so sweet. For the first couple weeks after your sister Naomi went to heaven you still kissed my tummy. Ever since, during our nightly prayers, we ask God to give Naomi kisses. When I ask you about Naomi you tell me she's in Heaven and we send balloons to her.

But you probably understand more than we give you credit for, you at least are very comforting and sweet when mama has a bad day. There are just some days that I miss your sister so much. I miss holding and loving on her. I miss watching her grow and seeing her personality develop. Most of all, I miss watching y'all together. I miss seeing you be the loving big sister you are and seeing you teach her all that you know. When I have those hard days you are usually easier to manage and you just let me have those moments.

Usually oldest kids have to learn the hard way. Oh my sweet oldest, how I wish you wouldn't. There are so many "hard ways" that I have learned this year. I wish you never would have to learn....

I wish you could know happiness and joy without heartache. I wish you could know love for others without knowing pain of them being gone from your earthly life. I wish you could learn endurance without having to endure or strength without having to feel weak and powerless. I wish you never had to learn devastation, heartache or hurt. But my sweet girl, know that your mama has walked that hard road and will always be your extra guiding post. I will always listen and support and give you that tight squeeze. I want you to know that through it all God is there most of all. He will bring you out of the fire just as he has me. He will be your hope when you have none. Trust in Him, Sophia- even in the darkest days.

God hasn't promised us anything other than Heaven if we know Him. He hasn't promised us a life of happiness and sunshine. Hard things will happen in our life. Everyone has something that they struggle with. But you will get through because you are strong! Especially because you are a Child of our KING!

My dear girl, I love you. And I can't wait to see what God has in store for you.

Love you always, forever and no matter what,
Your Mama

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