New Year, New life- New Start!

At the end of 2012, we welcomed a little baby girl into our lives. It really is the most incredible thing and I adore being a mom! Due to being nauseous most of pregnancy I only gained 15 pounds. It was a huge blessing as I was already overweight and wanted to not have to lose as much afterward. I'm already at pre-pregnancy weight but that is definitely not my end goal.

With the new year rings in all the goals that we all place on ourselves. One of the top of course is always fitness, weight loss or something to that extent. Of course I am no different. But to me, this year is a start of a new life. I'm a mama now. I have to practice healthy habits in the kitchen and in exercise. I need to show my daughter that she doesn't need to be afraid of food but neither does she need to allow it to take over her life. She is in control of her habits and that life is so much better when we're able to live it to the fullest instead of always "what ifs" and "I will whens".

So my "what if" this year will be me in a smaller size of clothes- lookin' good! My "I will when" is now an I did. I did join a gym and I did work out today. Instead of getting upset at myself when I miss a day, I'll just make it the next day. Each day fits into the bigger picture so each day is a step to the goal. I'm so excited to be able to say when I've lost 5-10-20-50 pounds but even more so I'm excited to be able to tell my daughter that if Mama can do it- so can she.

Our Birth Story

Almost 3 weeks ago our life changed forever with the birth of our baby girl- Sophia. Her due date was 12-18-11 but since we were intending to go all natural we knew it could be about 2 weeks on either side. We were so willing to wait but of course so antsy to meet her! It didn't help at all that she was LOW from about 36 weeks.

A friend of mine had introduced me to the Bradley Birthing Method when we were searching out child birth classes. Of course (if you know me, this is absolutely NO surprise to you), I had done quite a bit of research on child birth, different methods and techniques and our options prior to the class but I felt like it would be a great experience for Joe and I together. As much as I wonder if I really needed the class, I know that it cemented good things into our heads and best prepared us for what was to come. Our Bradley instructor assigned different topics to each couple to give a pro/con and information about. Ours happened to be vaginal exams. Interestingly, very few couples know that this is an actual option. You do not need to start vaginal exams at 36 weeks or really ever. They are not perfect, always helpful or always predictive of how things will end up.

Our hospital OBGYN clinic rotates you through doctors towards the middle/end of your pregnancy so you meet each one just in case your doctor cannot make it. We had 2 appointments left before we went back to our doctor at 38 weeks and decided to not have the exams at either one of these. At 36 weeks they did a quick ultrasound to confirm she was heads down and the doctor commented on how low she was in my pelvis. Again at 37 weeks the next doctor was surprised at how low she was. 38 weeks we were back with our preferred doctor (who really was awesome and a super blessing as she fit us as a couple great), and we decided to do a vaginal exam to see how far I was progressed. The guess that everyone had that baby was low was no joke as she was at 0 station at 38 weeks. I was also 2cm dilated and 90% effaced. This really brought hope that she might come early but I tried not to get my hopes up knowing that she could also come 2 weeks late! My mom arrived just days later for her scheduled trip. She bought an one way ticket to come help me prepare, be here for delivery and help transition into motherhood after. Since it was just a couple weeks before Christmas we finished up our Christmas shopping which really doubled as a great workout and exercise with all the walking!

At 39 weeks I was checked again and was at 3 cm, +1 station and 100% effaced. We were given the option to have a membrane sweep which basically stimulates the prostglandins which help jump start labor (that is IF and ONLY IF your body is actually ready- otherwise you're just uncomfortable for a couple days). Our doctor cautioned us that if it worked then we would be in labor within 24 hours. Again, it was hard not to hope but just wait it out...

This appointment was on a Tuesday and I continued to have cramps that I likened to period cramps until Thursday. Around noon I called L&D and asked how long the cramps should continue and they gave me the heads up that these were contractions and I should start timing them. For the next two hours I did so and realized that they were coming about 1 min apart and 1 min long... We piled everything up and headed to the hospital to get checked out. They confirmed that I was indeed having contractions, that baby was fine but I was only 3.5 cm and they wouldn't admit me until at least 4. Back home we went to wait! In the meantime I took a nap, played cards and tried to relax. The contractions quit for a while so I had a slumping feeling that maybe baby wasn't going to come that night. My sweet hubby decided not to go to work as he had the hopes that baby was going to come even still... Around 10 everyone decided to try to get some sleep, which they did successfully but I started having strong contractions again. After laying in bed for awhile I decided to get up and start timing the contractions. I was having them again 1 min apart and for 1 min long but this time MUCH stronger. After about an hour of them I went upstairs to let my mom know what was going on. She reminded me to have patience and wait (so hard when you just want to meet your little girl!) so back downstairs I went to continue to time the contractions. On my way down the stairs however, I had another contraction. My mind immediately thought of the fact that real contractions happen while in movement and Braxton-Hicks do not. Of course this gave me some hope and I continued to time... About half an hour later I decided to wake up Joe since I had continued to have contractions while I knelt, stood, swayed etc. I wanted him to time me while I took a bath. This really was for two parts- I couldn't get warm and I wanted to see what the contractions did with water. They continued to go strong and at the same rate if not go faster so we decided to wake Mom up and head back to the hospital.

We arrived at the emergency entrance (all others were locked at that time of night) at 2am, filled out paperwork and headed upstairs to L&D triage again to get checked out. They again confirmed that I was having contractions, baby was well but I had only progressed to 4 centimeters which wasn't enough to admit me. After an hour of waiting they They gave 2 options: 1- go home or 2- get a sleeping "cocktail" if you will. This cocktail was a shot of morphine and an ambien to help me sleep in hopes of dilating more. It was real labor at this point so it really was just a matter of time and I couldn't help but think that there was no resting for me with the strength of contractions and that I really needed my sleep. We asked numerous questions about the safety of the drugs and I had Joe help me make the decision. As I told him: "My head is just not clear". We decided to go ahead and get the medication. I'm sure the nurses at this point were probably shaking their head thinking that I wasn't going to follow through with the drug free birth since I was taking these meds. They moved us to an actual room at 3am where Mom settled in on the sofa bed, Joe on cushions on the floor and I in the hospital bed. I was given the medication and tried to relax through the contractions. They continued to be strong and strong enough that I vocalized through each one. Long low oooooo's. In between I would go to the bathroom just from being uncomfortable and feeling like I constantly had to go. Between about 4:30-5 on one of these bathroom trips my water just burst as I was sitting on the toilet. I likened the feeling to a water balloon being popped with a pin. After finishing a contraction I called the nurse who came and checked for amniotic fluid. She confirmed that it was my water and did another check. To her surprise I had jumped to 7 cm. She quickly realized that this was indeed labor and was going to going to happen soon. She gave the doctor a heads up and let me labor. During one of her stops around 5:15-5:30 I told her I felt like I needed to push so she checked and was completely taken aback that I was now at 9 3/4 cm and really could have the baby at anytime. At this point she called the doc and told her to hurry and suited up just in case she needed to deliver. A respiratory specialist was called in just in case since the labor progressed way more quickly than they imagined it could (especially for a first time mom) and I had the morphine only about 4 hours before. The nurse kept having me breath through the contractions in order to resist pushing. It was probably the hardest thing to do and felt like hours even though it was probably only 20 minutes. About 5 till 6 our Doctor came running in. She tied up her hair with a big smile and asked how I was. Within minutes she was suited up and the bed was transitioned so I could push. We had already discussed with the doctor not wanting to push while being flat on my back since it is better to lessen the chances of tearing as well as quicken labor. Within minutes of pushing the doctor told me that she could already see the head and to keep on going. At 6:15 our little Sophia Grace was born. She was able to be immediately on my chest for some loving before being checked out. She had absolutely no respiratory issues and was as alert as could be. We had asked to delay the vitamin K shot and the eye ointment so in the meantime while waiting for the placenta to be delivered and for me to get some stitches (I had torn some) we just got to love on her.

We couldn't have asked for a better crew to work with in the hospital. We had several nurses that weren't assigned to us stop in and check out the "beautiful baby". We were told that she was the prettiest baby in L&D, which of course we are biased and agreed. She was born without a cone shaped head since she didn't sit in my pelvis for long and had the prettiest skin. Even though they were all so supportive of our plan and never once asked if I wanted pain medication everyone was very surprised that we made it without an epidural, Demerol etc. They were never intrusive or rude and just worked with our hopes and wishes. I actually felt very comfortable and relaxed in the environment despite labor pains. They were wonderful helping assist in nursing and teaching me about little tricks and tips which I really believe helped in me wanting to continue even with having to use a nursing shield. Not everyone has this experience in a hospital but we were truly blessed.

Announcing Sophia Grace!

Sophia Grace was born 12-16-11 at 6:15 am

a perfectly petite 6lb 14 oz and 19 inches

It has been an amazing two weeks with our little baby girl. Who knew your heart could swell so big with love?

Thankful

I was going to start this out on facebook but the list of what I'm thankful for just quickly grew and grew until I knew where it would end- my blog!

The last year has had its share of downs. We have struggled with where God wanted us, the losses of what seemed to be "the perfect job" for hubby, the frustration of waiting for our baby (we tried for over a year), relationship struggles, being squished in a hotel for 6 weeks among other things... These really don't compare though when I get to thinking all about the ways that God has blessed us this year. We may have struggled with where God wanted us and a job for J but we ended up in a way that couple be described as nothing short than a miracle in a job in Austin with an AWESOME company. We may have waited for over a year but when the stick turned positive so did my angst into joy. We may have had relationship struggles but have found a great church family that we feel is home along with many great new relationships blooming. We may have been squished into a hotel but we found a home that we get to grow into with a price tag of a much smaller home. It was an absolute blessing.

I'm so thankful this year. I'm thankful for:

-My God, I'm never deserving but He has really showered the blessings on us. He has provided beyond what our needs are and loved me beyond measure.

-My husband, he's been nothing but supportive this year. He's been such a hard worker, wonderful provider, excited father to be.

-My baby girl, I had hoped and prayed for her for over a year. I have yet to meet her but she's already completely changed my world. She makes me not only think of what kind of mommy, Christian, role model and woman I want to be but motivates me to be that person.

- My family, I've been so blessed to be in a family that truly loves each other. My parents and siblings have come beside me and completely supported my pregnancy and been so excited to be grandparents in a way that excites me too! I cannot wait to see each and every one of them interact with my baby.

- My husband's family, it's been so different to actually have family nearby and great to get to know them.

- My many friends and extended family, I've really come to see so many relationships in different light this year especially as they come alongside in their excitement about the baby. So many people already love this baby. She's so blessed... I have so many sweet friends that have blessed me this year and so many new friends that I can't wait to get to know better.

-Our dogs, they continuously make me laugh and smile and really remind me about the simple things in life.

- Our home, I never expected a home like this at 23 but am so blessed by it!

- J's new job, It provides for our needs and more as well as provides wonderful insurance, stability and future.

-Military, Especially being a veterans wife, I understand the military life and have a very great and deep understanding for the military family and their serving member. I am thankful that there are members that serve so that we have freedom. There are many that will not be able to be home with their family because of their sacrifices and my appreciation is very deep.

I know there is so much more out there that I'm thankful for that I just can't think of now. I am going to be really making a conscious effort to make every day a type of thanksgiving. We are truly blessed beyond measure as a nation and should live every day that way!

Thanksgiving according to a TCK

TCK: Third Culture Kid- "someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture." This really is a great definition as its what I feel I went through. Spending 9 years overseas really gave me several different cultures to integrate into my own. I couldn't tell you where one part starts or ends, it just is woven into my being. When it comes to a holiday I find that often times I don't celebrate or see it normally.

Fall wasn't a normal fall when the weather was 90 degrees and up every day. There were no leaves changing colors and no raking to do. Pumpkin pie was only in the foreigners grocery store in limited quantity. Even with it being completely different you would still find all the expatriates trying to make it as much like home as possible. Out came the fall decorations and the cookbooks!

Our thanksgivings were never the same each year. We made the classic dishes with whatever we could find imported at the grocery store. The guests would rotate each year depending on who was needing a home to go to or who our close friends were. There were often times some dishes from other countries that other TCK families found to be "home" as well. We never knew what exactly Thanksgiving would entail except for a couple common denominators: lots of food, laughter and friends.

Now as thanksgiving approaches (next week! eeek!) I keep being reminded of how my thanksgiving was different growing up and how I wouldn't change it for the world.

Life is still a choice.

A couple days ago, everyone in our church was praying for this sweet family. I missed service that Sunday so hadn't seen this in person or heard the whole story. I just knew that a couple in our church was going to be delivering a little baby and within hours was going to have to say goodbye since the child did not have any kidneys.

http://vimeo.com/31201221

As I sat watching this video, I couldn't help but cry. I have a little one in my womb... I haven't met her yet, have no idea what color eyes she will have or hair. What her sweet little nose will look like or what her favorite things will be... But she is mine. God gave her to my husband and I and allowed us to be parents. What an amazing blessing is that? It still astonishes me daily.

Having a psych background exposed me to so many stories of anomalies and differences in personality, attitude and capabilities. Regardless of what our little Sophia will have, she is still my little baby girl. The love I have for her is indescribable and unfathomable.

I know without a doubt that the love I experience for our little one is the same love that this family had for their little Caroline Joy. I think its such an amazing testimony that when faced with the option in July that they could abort their baby or deliver knowing that she wouldn't survive the day that they still chose to give her life. It puts into perspective for me, that we are not in control of who lives or who dies. God is. God created each and everyone of us and placed us in our mothers wombs. He didn't make a mistake. It simply amazes me God can use such a heart-wrenching circumstance to highlight how he will work regardless.

I just pray that I can teach my little one all the amazing things in life... including life itself. I hope and pray that I can impress upon her how important life is and that it grabs at her heartstrings too.

What have we done? A beginners view...

About a year ago I started to look into becoming a doula... For those that may not know what it is, a doula is a birth coach... They support the mother AND father and help make the birth as comfortable as possible. Typically they support unmedicated and as little medical interventions as necessary. The reason isn't because they just are holier than thou or because they are more hippy but because there is actual research to show how much healthier, usually quicker and satisfying for all those involved. Because I started to look into this I learned a lot and it just makes SENSE!

Now that I am pregnant myself, we're planning a birth based on these things and Joe is quite supportive. He agrees that it makes sense and so we are being active participants in both our pregnancy and planning for birth. We are asking important questions, making sure that we have the right support, and being realistic but hopeful. I'm not going to say that without a doubt I'm not going to have a c-section or medications however I'm going to do all that I can to prepare so that it doesn't happen. I'm preparing mentally and emotionally. I'm being an informed consumer within the medical realm... Not all doctors are just out to get ya but there are some things to be really cautious about. With all this being said... The main reason why this is a blog posting is because it's seriously irritating me with how uninformed, unprepared, and brain washed so many people are when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. I'm not going to say by any means that I'm a expert in fact I believe I'm barely scratching the surface but why aren't other people even trying to scratch at the truth?

Regardless of whenever you believe the world began, women have been having babies for a long time. Until approximately the 1920-1930's doctors were not the common ones delivering babies, midwives were. The switch became drastic, it went from women that knew about birthing and were actively involved to going to hospitals and literally having babies drug from them. These women in the hospitals were heavily drugged and forceps etc became common in these deliveries. For years this was the common way of birthing until it started changing in the 70's-80's back to women being active participants in their births. My own mother was unmedicated in the late 1980's-early 1990's for my brother, sister and I...

The doctors have changed by far in their approach but still there are certain things that are in common. They are medically trained to fix a problem, ie broken legs, heart attacks, illnesses etc. Childbirth doesn't really follow this guideline. But too often in our society we have begun to classify childbirth into this category. Women can choose to have unnecessary drugs, interventions and even serious surgery aka cesareans. Most women unless they search for answers are not told that these drugs can actually intensify labor pain (pitocin), increase length of childbirth (epidurals), and increase chances of serious long term injury to the mother (both pitocin and epidurals). They're not told that these interventions can lead to infections (vaginal exams), cause more unnecessary procedures (constant fetal monitoring can lead to more cesareans). They're not told that cesareans ARE serious surgery, make it harder for women to breast feed (another topic for another time), don't allow for natural helpful things to happen for the newborn (ie, giving birth vaginally helps expel liquids etc out of lungs and prepare for the world) along with many other possible dangers. These are just a few of what happens within the medical model. DON'T get me wrong. If it means that the baby or Mom are seriously in danger then it makes sense and is the reason why we have these interventions. This is why I believe God has given us doctors and these options. HOWEVER too many interventions happen without cause. Many officials and organizations approximate that the cesarean rate shouldn't be higher than 10 percent however the national average is approaching 36%!!!

Ok, sorry y'all i needed to vent about this. I'm just so sick of hearing these type of comments around my friends "whaaat, they're letting you go another week? They should have induced you LAST week" (that friend just hit the 40 week mark), "more drugs the merrier" etc....

The best things a pregnant woman can do is ASK questions, make sure she's informed. RELAX- how do you expect to give birth to a child when your body is so tense? PREPARE- work out (ok this is an area that I'll admit I should increase), allow your mind to catch up with whats happening to your body... and Don't listen to whatever everyone else says! I was told that I didn't need any child birth classes to just arrive at the hospital and the doctors will tell me what to do... Waiiiiit. So this is like not preparing for a marathon? Who would do that? Please don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone is stupid or won't be their friend because they decide to get an epidural etc not everyone has the information or thinks to do homework on this because its how society has made it. So why are we such informed consumers about everything but not so much this area? What have we created in this society? Women that think that their bodies are incapable and aren't given support but rather fed more information into that they're not able to do it all... I'm not saying that its not going to hurt or that there may be doubts in the mind.. However there are ways to reduce pain naturally and empower women to do what God created them to do... Oh and, WHO says that the baby has to be delivered BY the 40th week?! The average gestation is 41.7 weeks!

I'm going to be giving birth in a hospital, however I am going to child birth classes with my husband and asking my doctor many questions about how she works and believes. We either agree or come to very acceptable middle grounds (for instance, we're going to use fetal monitoring but only for 15 minutes each hour). We're going to labor at home as long as possible and head to the hospital when we're certain that labor is progressing well and are close to birthing our sweet baby girl (we only live 10-15 minutes from the hospital). There ARE ways to use both the medical model and natural in a cohesive way. It just takes patience, deliberation (make sure that the medical team know what you want and that you have good support so that you're not the only one pushing for informed consent during childbirth- husband or mother or doula GREAT for this), and training...